My Thoughts on Medication as Bipolar Woman Who Used to be on 5-6 Meds at Once

Me about a month after being in the hospital in 2013.

“They’re using you as a guinea pig” said the guy I used to casually date. This is a topic that many people who aren’t doctors nor suffer from any mental illnesses claim to be expert on. A lot of people don’t understand that when you go on medication, not all of your problems are going to be solved in a day. And sometimes these medications can take months to take full effect, the side effects can be brutal and then you have these people who try to know-it-all telling you that you should or should not be taking these medications when that decision is literally none of their business.

Now to clarify, I’m not anti-medication. But I know a lot of psychiatrists will over prescribe medication for every big and little thing. And here in Canada where I live, they are not legally obligated to tell you what the side effects are and often won’t tell you what they are until they occur.

Next, medication will never solve the issues in your environment and relationships or poverty if you live in poverty. In order to get yourself solving these issues is a lot of inner and outer work on yourself with some assistance with meds, non-medication therapy and social aid resources. But a flaw in the system is that if somebody is sad for an environmental reason, the system can still classify you as depressed and try to medicate you for it. And Sometimes doctors will use meds to make patients easier to deal with. I was causing a bit of chaos in the hospital so they forced me to take pills to shut me up. This being said, the right med at the right dose will really help balance your brain chemistry so you don’t have constantly be at war with your own brain.

The following is a list of meds I’ve been on:

1) Risperidone, an antipsychotic was my first prescription related to Bipolar. I stayed on it for a year or two. It made my muscles so tense that I could barely walk. Initially to counter to side effects I was given a second medication. But it made my vision blurry when I had 20/20 vision. And the numbness and inability to connect with anyone on it was real.

2) Lithium. I was on this the longest. It’s a salt that acts as a mood stabilizer but because it’s a salt it dehydrates you and and is really hard on your kidneys. It makes you more sensitve to the sun and the most annoying side effect was it made my hands shake a lot to the point where I looked nervous 24/7. And if I actually was nervous or scared I couldn’t hide it and the shakes got worse. The mental numb feeling was everyday all day.

3) Citalopram. An anti-depressant. Usually doctors are reluctant to prescribe anti depressants to Bipolar patients because it can trigger mania. But my depression got so bad after I got out of the hospital that they had to prescribe something. I was on like 4 drugs at this point that I’m not even sure what the side effects were.

4) I forget what the 4th one was called or what the side effects were, but it was to treat anxiety.

5) Ativan. I was given this in the hospital because I was disturbing everone else in my manic psychosis. So basically it was just used once to shut me up and make me easier to deal with. The morning after I was exhausted and speaking in monotone. It was like being hung over.

6) Abilify. It’s both an antipsychotic and mood stabilizer. I’m still on this one and currently it is the only medication I take. I really like my current psychiatrist because she got me off all of the unhelpful psychiatric medication and got me on this one. The only side effect I notice is crazy weight gain and high blood sugar but it has given me so much mental stability. I can actually feel my feelings again!

My Experience Quitting Alcohol and Still Maintaining My Social Life

I was always a social drinker. I even had (and still to some degree still have) a fully stocked liquor bar at home that I built out of an IKEA cubicle shelf. The liquor bottles would be left untouched when I didn't have friends over as I had no desire to drink when alone. I am however a single woman and I like to have company over. So whether it was cocktail parties at home or going out to a bar and drinking cocktails there, I was probably drink 5-10 cocktails a week with Long Island Iced Teas being my poison of choice.

But November last year, all the eating and drinking caught up to me. I was and probably still am borderline diabetic. So I decided to quit.

"How can you go out to bars and restaurant and not drink?" some may ask. To be honest if you really want to make genuine good connections while going out you'll want to do that sober. While you'll still encounter lots of drunk people, most of the time if you're holding a club soda garnished with mint...nobody is going to know there's no alcohol nor are they likely to care.

A big thing we think everyone is watching us and that we think they care about how we live our life. To be honest, most people are likely to care about their own life more than they are your life. People walk into a room thinking everyone is watching them. This may be true if you purposely made yourself stand out. But if you match your environment chances are most people aren't thinking about you. And if they are then as the wise Gary Oldman put it, "What other people think about me is none of my business".

I lucked out because I actually don't even miss it. While I still like to go out I can choose places where mocktails or non-alcoholic beer are served. And to be honest, as long as I am carrying a drink, it could even be water, nobody else is going to care about what I consume.

Besides, why is it that lots of people think bars, restaurant and even coffee shops for that matter are the only places to hangout? If you live in a large city there are probably tons of events in your city that don't revolve around eating and drinking. Plus there are festivals, movie theater, bowling alleys and which are probably more fun and cheaper than sitting around and drinking 24/7.